Wednesday 7 April 2010

I'm giving away 1200 Microsoft points, who wants it?

I have a spare 1200 Microsoft points card to use on a Xbox 360. Because I'm such a kind person I'm going to give it away to one of you lucky people.

I'm a guy who likes a laugh. Make me laugh by posting on this thread. The post has to be less than 30 words and you must only post once. It doesn't have to necessarily be a joke, but something that will make me laugh. I'll get my laugh-o-meter out (i don't really have one) and whichever joke/post I find most amusing will get the 1200 points card. Easy enough eh? Now, be funny.

This should also give for a good read for other players. I'm sure there will be some good ones and some...

... ones. But that's entertainment right?

You've got until Saturday to make me laugh.

No Xbox? You could give (or sell) it to a friend, eat it, set it on fire, anything that takes your fancy.

Good luck,


Dark August Night said...

May it be a link to something else that we find funny?

Anonymous said...

i do!

broken_love said...

Ash, i want it, plz :)

flereous oleander said...

Dance for me, monkeys, dance! *raises arms and laughs maniacally*

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

whats red and white and crawls up your leg?(for the ladies)

A homesick abortion. lol.

Anonymous said...

sending a greetings to all you who have failed to kill yourself, good job on prooving that humans are the most idiotic race on earth. heres a hint btw you die after loosing arround 3L blood, so cut deeper next time you emo clowns.

DarkAsh said...

O_o That face-palm image applies to the comment above.

Azly said...

Hahahahaha......umm...... :]] ...... *wiggles in place*.....did i make you smile at least??? :D

Sazz said...

never let a groom buy the wedding cake

Miguel Juarez(235417) said...

Go to this link

Anonymous said...

Go give these all points to someone idiot,only an idiot can laugh ash through his nose.Now dont point towards me i am not one of it (hide himself).


the bear asked the rabbit,rabbit when you sheet does the sheet stick to your fur,rabbit says well no it does not stick to my fur,so the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with heem...

Anonymous said...

Find me now ash i am anonymous.u have no idea that who idiot tried to laugh u.haha (242222)

Anonymous said...

boored? go on youtube an serch for anoying orange. if your more of a sienc geet try out mircroweave this

Audrey said...

Don't give it to me. I don't want it.

Rhy69(alexander) ID: 335984 said...


Anonymous said...

Whats green and smells of bacon?

Kermit The Frog's fingers!

Rhy69(alexander) ID: 335984 said...

Anonymous said...

have u ever noticed theres so many holidays in a year, may day, halloween, st some ones day and xmas? whay dont they add failed emo and national idiot day? they deserve the recognition of failing to impress us, devildown :)

Rhy69(alexander) ID: 335984 said...

there ash the secound one works sorry bout the first one i posted link dident work

Anonymous said...

you got my money hoe
Some person: no big daddy
get back on that damn a make me some

mururgan said...

one of the people i work with is so dedicated to his job, he came in two hours early one morning.well by the time we got in to work he was in the bathroom.apparently he didnt want to stop until he got his work caught up so he tried to hold his bowels too long and ended up letting go in his pants.he looked like a skunk, brown power straight up his back.some people just dont get it.

Lady Maia Altair said...

A fat lady wants to back up to let another person through a narrow isle, at the same time, just outside the window, a truck is backing up, making the backing up noise. Ironic! and enbarrassing for the lady lol

Anonymous said...

what the fudge pie is this Xbox?, will there be a Ybox or Zbox like x & y-axis or in term of xy chromosomes??? <.<

Rose Ashflesh said...

Rose Ashflesh says!!! >.> A few days ago, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass... Out of pure INSTICT... I used my hand to cover my nose and mouth.. But neglected to let go of the toilet paper as I did so... ~Facepalm.~

Anonymous said...

man walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs, barman says u cant bring that in here, man says i know but its driving me nuts.

Paws (120555)

ImmortalBeauty said...

Wow, do I get a name on here? Dunno, But I'm ImmortalBeauty on RoB, and this isn't my funny post bit.

Imma Platypus. Merp.
If that didn't make you laugh, go here:
And here:
Enjoy! :D 19 words, not including this :D

Belladonna Darkstar said...

say the following aloud:

I am wee todd it, I am sofa king wee todd it!

Don't really care about the points, but this is cute. My hubby did this to his dad once.. it was so funny... a good memory I have of him!

Nightress said...

What is a muppet's abortioned baby look like?

A cotton ball

Arch Aestus said...

Why do midgets giggle when they run?

Because the grass tickles their nuts.

Silent Zylo said...

Not sure if I can do this but why not?

Anonymous said...

i would if it would work for the PS3 :D

Irina 88772 said...

Well I don't know if it will make you laugh but here I go. Be mindful this really happened. This past Easter Sunday my daughter and I attended an Easter Service at our local church. My daughter is almost two. Usually she is very very mindful. I was wearing a spaghetti strapped pink blouse. Well the father was up on the stage preaching away about the resurrection and such. My daughter had seemed intent on the lecture as I was. I hadn't noticed that she had shifted in my arms. Next thing I know, down comes my shirt, no I wasn't wearing a bra, and on she latches. My daughter was breast fed up until about her eighth month. Embarrassing doesn't begin to describe what had happened. I don't know which was worse. The ogling Father, the elderly lady who had admired my daughter for being so well behaved fainting dead away. Or my daughter who was gnawing away on my unmentionables. So that was my Easter sunday. :)

Damian Forte said...

A noob said that Bel was my best friend.

Stormi (338353) said...

Hmm...-Thinks-.Idk...-Runs across your screen naked yelling,"PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!".-Hee hee...that should do it!((Worth a shot,eh?))(GO CANADA!!!!Sorry.Happy Easter.:P)

Unknown said...


Unknown said...

Pirates and Gansta Rappers Have the Following in Common:
Fixation on gold and jewelry

Injuries and harm to one's body sustained in conflict translate directly into status.

Strong aversion to the authorities.

Love of booty

Song and lyric that glorify past exploits.

Use of the word "yo!" (as in 'yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum' and 'yo whaddup?')

Insistence on use of nickname and aliases.

Healthy affinity for eye-patches

Intense interest in boats

High tolerance for promiscuous women.

Healthy respect for individuals wielding hooks in lieu of hand

Love of drink, especially rum (with or without the accompaniment of coke)

Always travel with a crew.

Mr DJ said...

why is everyone posting here...when he clearly said post in the thread he gave a link for O.o

Anonymous said...

For all yall military folks


MuDD (177587) said...

well I mixed the green beans with the peanut butter but I was running low on the want-to so I ordered a barrel of pizza black stuffing sunglasses are on backwards

Anonymous said...

- upir

Anonymous said...

Um, MuDD, maybe it's just me, but what the hell was that? :S

EatME said...


Shadow said...

A bloke goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y fronts. The host says `what are you supposed to be?` The bloke says , `Premature ejaculation; ive just come in my pants.`

Oup (217745) said...

Well why not....

or to just make it easier for you...

Ekelarwenia said...

Have you ever had a really weird dream?
I had one where I was abducted by some idiots, threatened at knife point, rescued by a troupe of acrobats who then took me out to yum cha...

Zyntherius said...

Anonymous said...

I jerked off in the shower, thought it was cleaned off(it wasn't), wiped my face, got my own spunk in my eyes, my eyes started burning and i fell backwards out of the shower, hitting my head on the way down. I woke up naked on the bathroom floor with my hand stuck to my face and the water running. Do I win now? At least something good will have came of it...

Skippy(116128) said...

Anonymous said...

Hey Ash, this is a true story:
My big brother locked me out the house wearing a red and white polka dotted dress when I was little.

I'll tell you more if you can figure out who I am in RoB XDDDDDDDD

tlscone said...

(rl 4 and 6 yrld conversation)
4~ this is the mommie and daddie cats that pooped out the babies

6~ no only the mommie poops out babies

4~ oh yea the daddy just waits and waits and waits

42Mikey said... lol I love this site. Check it out, it's pretty cool.

This comment has been removed by the author.

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
- Churchill

"God, please save me from your followers!"

Anonymous said...

Paco:Tell him Jeff!

Jeff: Love is like a rainbow...right Alex?

Alex: Love is like a exhales a very memorable time which ends up stinging your eyes and makes you cry. Finish it Jaime-

Jaime: What your experiencing Pedro is lust...its not love.

James: Aww brothers...what shall I do with my corazone?...shes wedged in there tight>.<

Anonymous said...


> A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son`s house. She knocked on the
> door and then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her
> daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was
> playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
> "What are you doing?!" she asked.
> "I`m waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law
> answered.
> "But you`re naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
> "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
> "Love dress? But you`re naked!"
> "Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained. "It
> excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he
> instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.. He can`t
> get enough of me"
> The mother-in-law left.. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put
> on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid
> on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband
> came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
> "What are you doing?" he asked
> "This is my love dress." she whispered sensually.
> "Needs ironing," he said. "What`s for dinner?
> He never heard the gunshot. Funeral is Friday, closed casket.

ID 95000 Pharoah Cathal BK

Absinthe kiss said...

Two pretzles were walking down a dark alley. One was 'assalted'.

Elphaba Reve said...

Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts.

Unknown said...

im writing in my school newspaper and this is the main article topic: Headline, Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake. how did you like it?

Anonymous said...

roflmao.......*looks and finds ass* damn!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Holy shit - 1 braincell among the lot eh? It's been mentioned a couple of times, but Ash asked to have your attempted funnies posted elsewhere. Too wrapped up in yourselves again to notice that?

If all the above is the level of humour to be expected, Ash will probably end up selling the points himself.

Someone at the top got it right - dance little monkeys.

Dakota said...

A hatian man walks into a bar
it colapses

Teh Ebil Teddeh said...

Xbox Live <3

Bloodlust said...

What do you call a Fish with no eyes???????

Fsh :)

Anonymous said...

Miss Vivacious Grace said...

I have no Xbox. but I have some VERY good ideas about what to do with the card. I shall use it to barter for sexual favours.
Now who would like me to have this card? ;) LOL

Donovan said...

... My goodness who's not on pogo sticks or offering to hop on others in here? All for microsoft points.... Ash I need the card <.< Just so I can tie it to some fishing line and drag it down the street and see if I catch as many crazy desperate people that are posting in here.. something about music and rats... drowning >.>

Lestat041869 said...

I once lost a bet. The winners prize was me shaving my head bald. I had no hair left period, that includes my eyebrows. I looked like Uncle Fester."Pugsly!!!!!!!!"

Wolfpack said...


fujin said...

i could send you a picture of me naked,
that makes the most people laugh,
still dont know why though.:s

Anonymous said...

the unabashed dictionary defines social security sex as getting a little every month but not enough to live on

Anonymous said...

ash i do, please give me the microsoft points, please.

Kiki_Hatake said...

*Pointing to the tv* “Oh god, he could just kill an enemy with that spiky ass hair of his.” In reference to Final Fantasy VII’s Cloud.

V956970 said...


SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room
you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

Anonymous said...

It is terrible my language is outa my mouth because It doesnt even smile me,How can it laugh a bored person like ash.Why not u give these all points to a joker which will better laugh u from from the depth of ur intestine.
Perahps u will take my advise to ur stomach.

Elyne said...

If this page doesn't make you laugh then nothing will xD
quick example:

Anonymous said...

yooo i want it more than anyone dude i will kill...cause i need blood.MWAHAHA

+AntiX_XDepressant+ said...

The Doctors Visit

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

Rez said...

This should definitely win:

"It is terrible my language is outa my mouth because It doesnt even smile me,How can it laugh a bored person like ash.Why not u give these all points to a joker which will better laugh u from from the depth of ur intestine.
Perahps u will take my advise to ur stomach."

Silent Princess said...

What do you call a smoker who goes skydiving? A cough drop lol

Lilly M. Hellshade (100611) said...

Best friends are true when they promise you that the first thing that they will do once you die is erase all your computer history. :]

Anonymous said...

where does the king keep his armies?
in his slevies!

CookieMonSTAR said...

Today, i found out my friend thought the Civil War was part of the Holocaust and that the runaway slaves were Jews >.>

SilverFangedKerry said...

lol... I was reading through quite a bit of these comments... Alot of people can't spell right... lol, I can't think of anything funny... I just wanted to say something here xD Rawr :P

Anonymous said...

So a priest, a Rabbi, and a humpback whale all walk into a bar. The priest tells the bartender,
“I’ve accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior”
“Uh..Ok. You gonna buy a drink?”
“Yeah, I’ll have some Red Wine.”
And the Rabbi goes to the bartender and says,
“I’ve yet to find someone worthy enough to accept as my lord and savior”
“Alright, You gonna buy a drink?”
“Yeah, give me some beer”
And then the humpback whale goes up to the bartender and says,

fujin said...

Reggle Stardust said...

My penis size!

Deathdraco666 said...

a girl takes her 92-year-old dad to the mall and they eat at the food court.

well the dad keeps stareing at a kid with spiky hair of all different colors(blue,green,red,and yellow spikes.

the final askes "what are you stareing at old man never done anything wild before".

the dad says"once got drunk and had sex with a peacock and thought you might be my kid.

Anonymous said...

i dunno if have been posted but well well.

Seuraaja said...

What's the difference between having a wife and having a job?
The job keeps sucking no matter how long you have it!

Screw the points, I just like that one.

Anonymous said...

whats the diffrence between a jewler and a jailor? one sells watches and one watches cells

or why did the turkey cross the road? because it was the chickens day off lol

Anonymous said...

Gonna break a rule and post twice... at least I know what 30 words means!

When my friend was little, she thought that the day laborers outside home depot were hookers.

Jinxes Akara Vacarum said...

Why are you giving points to people?
Think of all the sad turtles in the world that want to play human killing games
People just have no hearts for those poor slow turtles that can’t hold the controls; I hope you all get eaten by rabid squirrels, just like they got the cat

Muhahahahahaah go rabid squirrels and slow gamer turtles XD oh look it’s the nice people with… oh no not the white coat I want a black one ahhhhh run aways

(If you think it took me more than two second to write this your wrong, cause I typed it XP the pen wouldn’t work on the screen)

*and yes this post 160 words I can’t contain my stupefy to just a mere 30 words it’s it’s a word I can’t think of XD and I don’t need gamer points for a station I don’t play I just like to post things that pop into my head*

Ryuk said...

well I don't have a x-box 360 but I do have a joke my dad sent me LMAO

Anju said...

Hi there, this is a good advise i found about a VERY dangerous *thing* our bodies do every day. I just had to share it. Be careful.

"Man, there just isn't much of a downside to a good crap: It gives us time alone, to think, to read--to better ourselves in a plethora of ways. Pooping is what most of us in the Western world do instead of meditating. There's no downside to a good, solid (sorry) bowel movement, right?

Oh god, there is so much. But don't worry, straining to force it out isn't fatal or anything--you might just get away with a mere crippling injury. All that straining can cause diverticulitis (Caution! Picture!), hemorrhoids (Caution! Another picture!) and rectal prolapse (Thank Christ, no picture).


Luckily you can avoid all that by... oh, wait. There's not much you can do to avoid it, aside from never, ever straining, or you know, never pooping again."

For more information, please feel free to visit the original link:

With love 72380

Anonymous said...

lank:'Sir this gun tends to have a mind of its own'

bobby/zangler:'vell one out of two ain't bad'

Anonymous said...

Piccard:Who let shatner on the ship

Anonymous said...

Uh blue waffles? I dont know ok stop asking me difficult questions I just don't know how to answer them ok!? Don't you hate it when people come up to you and say ahh your hairs purple it did you dye it? Na I fricken didn't it's just my natrual hair colour do you like it?! Ash you should have a story writting comp that might be somthing I could actualy win!!! Or not dunno never entered one Prolly should tho every one wants me to finish a book I started three years ago and still only on the tenth page.

3ver0nward said...

hmm...what did Bruce Lee order when he went to Burger King?


Kyo said...

Ok so what do you do?.... do i just rape you now or what? I've no idea so you choose...

Elisa Griggsy said...

Anonymous said...

Random thought

I love the way my brain works, it's like being crazy, without being institutionalized!


An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES!


She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'


Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,

but all men...are men."

Sorry if this to long. even if not win. thought youd lyk it. LOLZ!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Ol games, : Blacks are the best runners Whites are the best shooters, just a thought..

Anonymous said...

What do you say to a girl with no tits?

Anonymous said...

Two bananas are laying by a river bank when a turd comes floating by.
The turd looks over at the two bananas and says, "Come on in! The water feels great!"
One banana turns to the other and says, "Do you believe that shit?"

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Why do leprechauns laugh when they run threw the grass?

A:The grass tickles there balls.

So let ur balls hang low, let them wabble threw the grass

Sweepstakes said...


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